I was recently at a luncheon that was attended by several generations of people from different walks of life.  The restaurant was on the smart side, the food was delicious and unpretentious, and the service was effective and discreet.

However, the table manners of some of the guests, mainly the twenty-somethings, were genuinely shocking.  They appeared to have no idea how approach the table settings, how to hold their cutlery or when to wait or proceed with their food and drink.

The most important thing to know, before you even start talking about table manners, is that the host honours his guests by putting their needs above his own and the guest must show himself to be worthy of that courtesy.  Manners are there to accommodate and reassure, not to confound.

So in this first article in the series we shall talk about cutlery:

Forks on the left, knives and spoons on the right and the guest should work from the outside inwards, course by course.

If a fork is used without a knife, it is held in the right hand with the tines (prongs) pointing up.  Always hold it as near to the end of the handle as you can.  The fork should rest on the middle finger which is supported by the outer two fingers.

If a knife and fork are being used together, the fork should be held like a knife with the tines pointing downward.  It is acceptable nowadays to turn the fork over momentarily in order to scoop up food that has been pushed onto it by the knife.  In that case the food should be pushed onto the inner side of the fork, otherwise you might poke your companion on the left with your elbow.  Eating persistently with the tines of the fork turned upward is not acceptable.  The knife should be held as in the illustration and never held like a pen.

If you are eating with a spoon alone, it should be held in the right hand, just like a solo fork.

If a fork and spoon are used together, the fork should be used in the left hand with the tines pointing downward.  The spoon is the receptacle in this case and the fork as the guide.

Pausing and finishing eating:  It is correct to lay your cutlery down after each mouthful while you chew and swallow.  To indicate with your cutlery that you are merely pausing, the knife and fork (or fork and spoon) should be laid neatly in the twenty past eight position of the clock with the tines of the fork pointing down.  When you have finished, lay the knife and fork (or fork and spoon) neatly side by side, in the six-thirty or twenty-five past five position, with the tines of the fork pointing upward.  This indicates to both guests and waiting staff that you have finished.

With grateful thanks to Debrett’s 1992 edition of ‘Etiquette and Modern Manners’ ed. Elsie Burch Donald for their illustrations.