I will be 48 in a few days and suffer from the common illusion that I am 30.  Obviously, I only have to look in the mirror to know that this is not true.  But the question is, how do other people see us and why are we so frequently disappointed or unhappy with our physical appearance?

This week, I have been reading a cross section of the women’s magazines as I am planning to write an article which needs to be targeted at a certain audience.  Before I slipped into a coma, I was struck by the constant stream of items about how to make yourself more this and more that, better skin, better hair, more sexy, thinner, younger, less pear-shaped, more dateable, less leaky, a better cook etc etc.

This is not news.  Women have been told they’re not good enough for years and, despite public discussion about the healthiness of this attitude, women perpetrate their own misery by allowing themselves to be insidiously indoctrinated day by day by absorbing the negativity that is thinly disguised as light-hearted self-improvement.

Don’t get me wrong; I love lipstick, face creams, shoes and frocks as much as the next chap but it’s not ALL I like and being pretty and slim is not all I want to be.  Part of my perception of myself as a women involves intellect, humour, strength, compassion and love but these subjects are rarely presented to us in the media as necessarily desirable characteristics.  If you want a man, you have to be slim, glamorous, fantastic in bed and non-confrontational and, apparently, years of feminism have done nothing to change this other than to sneer if you don’t also have a top job, three children, bake cupcakes and have a statutory number of orgasms a week (alone or in pairs).

I’m curious to know how men feel about the way the media presents women and how they feel about their own social representations.  In a recent article I touched on the dilemma for men of being told to connect with their feminine side whilst simultaneously being vilified for doing so.  How many times have we heard men saying that they prefer women with curves and yet the magazines still insist on using physical anomalies as models.

How do men feel when women scamper off to Chippendales shows, howling and baying like animals over the oiled up, muscle-bound specimens parading before them?  Is this not rank and revolting exploitation of men?  How can we demand that women are not treated as sex objects when women behave like that towards men?  Double standards doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

Health also plays its part.  There are plenty of fat healthy people and there are plenty of thin unhealthy people.  Being too thin can have associated health problems eg hormonal dysfunction, brittle bones, heart problems and digestive imbalances.  Being too fat can cause diabetes, joint problems, heart problems, hormone imbalances and so on.  So we are lead back to moderation and self worth. 

Extreme body sizes at both ends of the scale can be an indicator of lack of self-esteem, lack of control of our lives and a fear of emotional exposure.  Psychological health is a massive factor in our acceptance or rejection of our physical selves and until we address that, and identify where our dis-ease lies our bodies are only an end product, a symptom. 

Fresh air and exercise have a phenomenally positive effect on our mental and physical wellbeing; reconnection with nature lifts the spirits and grounds us in more ways than one.  This connection will show in our faces and in our demeanour.  Never underestimate the power of a good walk.

When I look at another human being the first things to attract me will be warmth, intelligence and humour, whether in men or women.  Of course, there are physical attributes that I find particularly attractive but that’s just gift-wrapping.  Bodies change shape, hair lines retreat, boobs and biceps sag, the perfect face becomes ugly when it is unloveable, but the essence, the soul of a person is there forever.

One of the great things about being involved in Steampunk is that the people who engage with it are all shapes and sizes and, because they make up their own outfits and personas, they dress to show off, flatter or disguise their figures with the clothes of their choosing rather than what they can cobble together in the high street chain stores. 

Fat, thin, busty, muscle-bound, tall, short, masculine, feminine, black, white, handicapped, beautiful, bonkers; they’re all there and they’re all gorgeous.  But what is most noteworthy is that they are confident and lovely because they dress on their own terms and present their souls and bodies on their own terms. There are no identikit Steampunks, no lifestyle magazines to say how they should be.  The only absolutes are to be courteous and splendid.

And so I say to you all, men and women, rejoice in your beauty.  If someone tells you that you look great, smile and say thank you.  Accept yourself for who you are and work with it.